But every once in a while, you find someone who’s iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare.

It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.

Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

You get a little moody sometimes but I think that’s because you like to read. People that like to read are always a little fucked up.

Pat Conroy, The Prince of Tides

Wishy washy

The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something.  So stop daydreaming and start DOING.  Develop a backbone, not a wishbone.  Take full responsibility for your life – take control.  You are important and you are needed.  It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday.  Someday is now.


November 2014

It persisted as a riddle. Sometimes i’d think it must have been all a delusion, from start to finish a fantasy I cooked up in my head. Or maybe a very long realistic dream that somehow I’d mixed up with reality. But it did happen.

I woke up in a sunny afternoon, just past lunch. Opened the gates, and crossed the 6-meter carriageway. Across the street stood a picket fence, where you can see a vacant lot on the other side. In there a tree stood, and a hammock clings with sheer confidence, slowly swaying to the November breeze.From the top of this hill you can see the lakeshore, and the MagLev highway farther north.

“I really like you, Firefly. A lot. You know that already, right?”
“Yes. How much is a lot?”
“Like a spring bear,” I said.
“A spring bear?” Firefly looked up again. “What’s that all about? A spring bear.”
“You’re walking through a field all by yourself one day in spring, and this sweet little bear cub with velvet fur and shiny little eyes comes walking along. And he says to you, “Hi, there, little lady. Want to tumble with me?’ So you and the bear cub spend the whole day in each other’s arms, tumbling down this clover-covered hill. Nice, huh?”
“Yeah. Really nice.”
“That’s how much I like you. Maybe more, but not less.”

"But you know I kind of miss those days when we’re still getting to know each other."
"What do you mean?"
"You know, those days when I think you are still interested enough in me to peel out my every layer."
"But I still do! Why are you talking like that?"
"I don’t know. I just feel that there will really come a time when people get used to each other’s presence so much that they start to get bored — then things change."
"But i will not get bored. You’re just overthinking."
"I hope I am! See, this thing that I have, overthinking, can really do so much damage."
"Hey stop it."

“I have a million things to talk to you about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. And it would really mean so much if you will tell me the things that you feel. It makes me feel much closer even if we’ll be far apart.”
"You are one clingy person."
“I guess so. I know I’m doing some terrible things to you, making demands and not giving you anything in return, saying whatever pops into my head, dragging you out and forcing you to go somewhere, but you’re the only one I can do stuff like that to! I’ve never been able to have my own way with anybody, not once in the years I’ve been alive. My father, my mother, they never paid the slightest attention to me, and my friends, well, most of them are just not that kind of people. You’re the only one I can say these things to. And now I’m really, really, really tired and I want to fall asleep listening to someone tell me how they feel and how their day went on and stuff. That’s all I want. And when I wake up, I’ll be full of energy and I’ll never make these kinds of selfish demands again.”

“Say, how much did you miss me?’ 
"Enough to melt all the tigers in the world to butter,’ I said.”

Well to elaborate things more, I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. Just as you take care of the birds and the fields every morning, every morning I wind my own spring. I give it some 36 good twists by the time I’ve got up, brushed my teeth, shaved, eaten breakfast, changed my clothes, left the for work and arrived at the office. I tell myself, “OK, let’s make this day another good one.” I hadn’t noticed before, but they tell me I talk to myself a lot these days. Probably mumbling to myself while I wind my spring.